Not without our allies.

Jenn and I are blessed to be surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, colleagues, and friends who treat us like normal people.

Please take a moment to think about the tail end of that statement.

Put another way, there are hundreds of people in our lives who do not view us as sinful, corrupted, or abnormal simply because we're gay.

This buffer of affirmation and unconditional love protects us to a degree that, sometimes, when we're in safe, non-public places, we forget that we bear the crude, unfabulously flaming pink brandings of the letter 'H' across our chests. 'H' standing for homosexual, the bristling clinical moniker for gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender persons used as the standard catch-all in churches, the media and many other institutions within our culture.

Sadly, these moments of normalcy are limited and isolated for us, or any 'homo', in our society.

In 2006, the majority of Wisconsin voters voted to ban same-sex marriage in our state Constitution. Marriage, the amendment said, shall be defined as a union between one man and one woman. Furthermore, the amendment said, any relationships similar to or resembling marriage, like civil unions and domestic partnerships, are also banned.

The truth here is plain: this was a crushing discriminatory act against at least -- at least -- ten percent of the state population. For the first time, the famously progressive state of Wisconsin carved hate into the document designed to protect all of its residents.

Every day, gay persons make decisions with regard to revealing their sexual orientation that straight people never have to make. I consider carefully how necessary and how safe it is for me to reveal that I'm gay in situations that many non-LGBT persons might not imagine in their wildest dreams. In most states, and at the federal level, we are not protected in the workplace, in our relationships, as co-parents of our children, or against hate crimes. In 1994, only two states prohibited harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation in public schools. In 2004, that number grew to eight states -- out of fifty! Right now, it is still legal in 42 states to harass or discriminate against students, teachers, and other school personnel in public school environments.

We live in such a heterosexually-dominant culture that it's easy not to notice that ten percent, or by some estimates more than ten percent, of the general population does not have the same civil rights as the majority population. The US Constitution promises equality for all, yet state by state, LGBT individuals, couples, and families are being kicked while they're down. And while we have experienced some victories, like achieving full marriage equality in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California, those victories are tentative at best.

On November 4th, Arizona and Florida will present voters with amendments to ban gay marriage, similar to the ones that have already passed in Wisconsin, Virginia, Michigan, South Dakota, South Carolina, Idaho, Texas, Kansas, Utah, Oklahoma, Ohio, North Dakota, Louisiana, Kentucky, Georgia, Arkansas, Alabama, Nebraska, Tennessee, Colorado, Oregon, Montana, Missouri, Mississippi, Nevada, Alaska, and Hawaii.

In California, where equality resounded from San Francisco to San Diego and where hundreds of gay and lesbian couples have been legally married since June 2008, millions of dollars are being spent by the religious right to persuade voters to rape and plunder these couples of their long overdue joy and civil rights.

Personally, I don't get it. I don't understand why any opponent of same-sex marriage would feel threatened by what Jenn and I share. I don't understand why, when I know from personal experience that there are hundreds of people in our lives alone who support full marriage equality, these amendments keep passing. Is it that our family and friends are telling us one thing and voting contrarily? Is it that these hundreds of people we know and the hundreds of thousands more like them are not voting at all?

Jenn has a theory. She says that, for us, it makes sense to focus so much on this issue because it impacts our lives directly on a visceral level. She says that, while straight allies mean well, it's not at the forefront of their everyday realities. The urgency isn't there for them like it is for us. There may be some truth to this theory. I remember one of our friends telling me right before the Wisconsin ban passed in 2006 to, in so many words, stop harping about our lack of rights.

What this friend doesn't understand is that the battle for full civil rights, full equality, and full inclusion, as promised by our forebears, will not be won without her.

Last week, Jenn and I received an email from her mom, who lives in Florida. The opening paragraph of her email leaped from the screen with its exclamation points. "I wrote to the editor!", she said. "And it got published!" We read on, tears curling from their hiding spots, floating on the love and joy propagated only by the healthy indignation and compassion demonstrated in her letter.

I've included her letter below. Before you read it, please think carefully about this. Politicians tell us that LGBT persons will receive equal rights in due time. The thing is, though, that our time is happening now. We are excluded now. We are struggling now. We need to win this battle against hate and discrimination now.

I understand how it may seem like this issue is not at the forefront of your everyday reality. But it is. As long as anyone lacks civil rights, everyone else's civil rights hang in the balance.

We can achieve equality in this country, once and for all -- but not without our allies.

Dear Editor,

I'd like to comment on a quote [from a teacher] in the article in Sunday, Oct. 12th's front-page article on gay marriage. The quote said that children from same-sex homes are very ashamed to let people know they have parents of the same sex. That feeling in our children is a product of our outdated, narrow-minded society of today. Shame on us for letting our children have this belief. We should be teaching them that a family is any group of people living under the same roof who love and support each other. That can be a mom, dad and children, two moms and children, two dads and children, or a single parent or grandparent and children. All of these families are prevalent in today's society and we as teachers and parents have the responsibility to help our young ones feel comfortable and happy with the family they have.

When I lived up north, this same amendment came up on our ballot. The Sunday before voting day, the minister of the church I attended openly told his congregation they should vote yes on this amendment. I wonder how many people besides me felt very uncomfortable with the idea that anyone following his advice has the right to tell someone else how they should live their life. All Americans should have the same civil rights no matter what their race, religion, gender, or sexuality is. I thought that was established a long time ago.

Some day when my daughter and her life partner adopt children, I know these lucky children will feel loved, secure and proud of the family they have. Hopefully by then, this country will be ready to accept all Americans and our children won't feel ashamed anymore.

Sincerely,
Jenn's mom